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Farringdon Golf 1 [Results]
THE FARRINGDON EASTER GOLF TOURNAMENT 2009 - part II - Updated April 18th 2009
After
an exhausting day on the nineteen holes of the Alresford Golf Course, the
eleven participants, accompanied by their partners, made their way to the
Rose and Crown for the Dinner and Presentation Ceremony.
Your reporter,
having earned extra brownie points earlier in the day, was present to witness
this auspicious event and found most of the diners comfortably positioned
in the restaurant awaiting the arrival of the first course.
Making his way towards the bar, your reporter was confronted with a heavily bandaged digit, quivering in front of the camera lens. As the eyes adjusted to the darkness, it became apparent that the base of the aforementioned digit was attached to the various associated parts of Baron Fuller.
I feel it should be made clear at this point, that, according to information from certain sources who would prefer to remain anonymous, this digital injury was not only self inflicted but the sole excuse for the devious Baron's late withdrawal, which was the root cause of so many mathematical problems earlier in the day
For those sensitive
souls;( I am reliably informed that there are such people still resident
within the Farringdon Parish boundary ) the owner of the offending digit
assured your reporter that the gesture was made solely to illustrate the
(alleged) serious nature of the injury and was not intended to give
offence to any other persons apart from your reporter, for whom most Farringdon
residents would feel that this is the most appropriate gesture if one rules
out physical assault.
The genuine competitors were, thankfully, above this sort of behaviour and were only just into the first course so your reporter was obliged to impose upon the Landlady for a pint of the excellent Alton Pride which available at this establishment. As the Landlord was, for once, on the receiving end of the Rose and Crown hospitality, your reporter was able to obtain a pint from Lynn without the usual formalities of obtaining permission and signing the promisory note not to upset other customers unnecessarily by engaging them in conversation.
The Farringdon
Golfers enjoyed a fairly leisurely meal, providing ample opportunity for
your reporter to fully appreciate the qualities of this brew and, inevitably
the usual appalling quality of the photography on these pages was reduced
to an all time low as a result.
Eventually Mr
Martin Bonsey, in his official capacity as Prize Distributor and Fine Bailiff
rose carefully to his feet and broke open the case of champagne, a signal
that the prize-giving was about to commence.
The Individual
Stapleford Competition, was won by Dr Hugh Bethell and he was duly presented
with the prestigious Farringdon Golf Trophy by The MC Mr David "Tiger"
Burton. Under normal circumstances there would be a picture of the presentation
here but the best your reporter can offer is the unflattering image obtained
by obstructing the progress of the good Doctor as he made his way home later
in the evening.
Brian "Tiger"
Williams seems very pleased with his second place in the Stapleford, achieved
despite a review of the Handicapping for the event and the additional pressure
of doubling up as the 'Biz' photographer during play. I am not entirely
certain whether the picture or the subject is out of focus at this stage
in the proceedings.
Third place in the Stapleford was an honourable tie between Mike 'Wildfire' Wallace and The Former Laird of MacDuff Mr Mark Newsam, both seen below savouring the moment. It was of course, the Former Laird's decision to compete in a garish pair of trousers that could have adversely affected the concentration of those competitors not equipped with suitable eye protection. This in turn, could have contributed to the appalling overall standard of play this year. Your reporter is not entirely convinced by this argument, had The Former Laird competed without his trousers it is unlikely that the quality of play would have been any better.
In The Texas Scramble Team Competition, top honours went to the dream team of Jim Gilchrist (left below), Brian Orchard (also below but partially obscured by Lady Cruck whose gracious personage has been a trifle perturbed by an unexpected flash from your photographer) and further below their fellow team members . . . . .
. . . . . Russ 'The Landlord' Parker (seen below right, amassing his finances for the inevitable fine to follow ) and Lord Cruck (totally obscured by the Honourable hand uplifted to own up for some transgression)
(Editor's Note: Following a request from member of the team who were in last place in the Stapleford Competition - We would like to make it clear that they were severely handicapped by the absence of a fourth member in what is by definition a foursome competition.)
Before any bright spark contemplates a request from this web site for a detailed explanation of A Stapleford Scramble or A Texas Massacre, Your reporter would like to make it clear, despite several years attendance, albeit on the outer fringes of the golfing fraternity, your reporter has no idea and frankly doesn't care, which rules of play are in force, how points are awarded or how the final results are calculated..
The
fining procedure is much easier to follow. The Fines are based on the whim
of the appointed Authority, this year The Former Laird, who can, impose
fines for transgressions, real or imagined, by various competitors, including
absentees with pathetic excuses for their lack of participation. The proceeds
are used to subsidise the bar tab accumulated throughout the evening by
the participants. Cash is collected by the Fines Bailiff, Mr Mark Bonsey;
seen here prising a donation from Tiger's wallet while in the foreground,
Lord Maltby seems to be enjoying the moment.
No one is safe, Paul Anderson digs into his pocket as The Bailiff arrives
for his donation and even the aristocracy are not immune from the attentions
of the Bailiff as Lord Cruck adds his contribution.
Another Editors Note: This web site refuses to give credence to the scurrilous suggestion from a fellow diner that this image shows his his Lordship in the act of removing folding money from the pot.
With the Former Laird in charge of fines the money was soon flowing in from all the players and inevitably attention was soon focussed on the competitor who failed make his appearance on the first tee of the day
.
Ignoring pathetic appeals for a second opinion from the Doctor in residence,
the injury was unanimously declared a non life threatening and therefore
no excuse for absence. It was pointed out to your reporter that, in previous
Farringdon Golf Tournaments, golfers with genuinely serious injuries had
struggled onto the greens, on one notable occasion a competitor who was
almost completely legless had completed a round. After hearing reasoned
argument, prejudice held swayand heavy fines were imposed upon Baron Fuller.
Unfortunately, The Former Laird, having become over excited at the prospect
of a major raid on the Baron's Wallet, accidentally fined himself, much
to the amusement of the Baron Fuller and Mrs Wallace who was sitting in
close proximity.
The evening closed with the traditional settling of bar bills after which, the Farringdon Golfers dispersed to various locations around the Village and your reporter weaved back across the Parish border, just in time to avoid a breach of immigration conditions.
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OFFICIAL
RESULTS : FARRINGDON GOLF 2009
( Thanks to Mr D. Burton for providing the information ) |
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STAPLEFORD
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TEXAS
SCRAMBLE
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1st
-
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Dr. HUGH BETHELL |
1st:
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JIM
GILCHRIST BRIAN ORCHARD RUSS PARKER JOHN PRYNNE |
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2nd
-
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DAVID BURTON |
2nd
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Dr.
HUGH BETHELL TONY CAUSTON BRYAN WILLIAMS MATT ANDERTON |
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3rd
=
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MARK
NEWSAM MIKE WALLACE: |
3rd
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MIKE EDWARDS |
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4th
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DAVID
BURTON MARTIN BONSEY MARK NEWSAM |
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